Showing posts with label comedy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label comedy. Show all posts

Life of the Communist Bloc Party

Much brouhaha has been made about this World Cup encouraging a newfound, redefined sense of nationalism for the host nation, one devoid of fascism both off the pitch as well as on it. They can finally forgive themselves for producing Adolf Hitler and Rudi Voeller.

The massive outdoor parties that have been taking place in Berlin at the Brandenberg Gate have been a symbolic reminder of how far things have come.

But relics from the past still remain. And they're not from Germany.

No, we're talking about the ex-Communist countries in this Cup. Teams who clearly lacked a pairostrikers like Poland, the Czech Republic, Croatia, S&M (that's Serbia & Montenegro, you...), and good ol' fashioned Ukraine. These teams produced cynical soccer that hasn't been seen since the '90 Germany squad captained by one Rudi Voeller.

Think about this fact. Those countries combined to score 13 goals through 16 games. Of those sixteen games, they failed to score nary a goal in eleven of them -- and it would have been twelve had it not been for the dubious penalty given to a diving Sheva in their last group match. That's a far cry from when freshly de-walled Romania and Bulgaria took USA '94 by storm.

Anyways. On to more pressing concerns....



No, that's not Ukrainian TV's new sideline reporter. Nor is it Rudi Voeller.

But what's with the Beavis'n'Butthead-era haircuts? All the training pants worn chest-high? The coaching staff looking like judges at a Soviet greco-roman competition? Combined with the over-hyping of Mr. Shevchenko and the appalingly negative Cold War'ish tactics employed on the pitch, it's virtually impossible for a neutral to get on Ukraine's highly radioactive bandwagon.

Such turnoffs don't even negate the fact they'll be playing modern Azzurri sportsmen on Friday.

World Cup Sucker

Recovered from the Trash Bin - A few slogans thrown out at the very last second by Corporate Media execs trying to get the attention of today's mainstream American TV viewer....


THE 2006 FIFA WORLD CUP ™ ON ESPN
Escape America Without Leaving Your Home.

WATCH THE 2006 FIFA WORLD CUP ™ ON ABC
President Bush Would Choose The Opposite.

EXPERIENCE THE 2006 FIFA WORLD CUP ™ ON ABC

Can Americans Find Glory On Foreign Soil Without Killing People?

GERMANY 2006 ™ - ONLY ON ABC & ESPN
Revisit The Last Country We Invaded And
Left Victorious.

FOLLOW THE 2006 FIFA WORLD CUP™ ONLY ON ABC

A Great Way To Find Out That Other Countries Exist.


CATCH WORLD CUP FEVER ALL SUMMER LONG ON ABC
Its Like Catching Bird Flu - Except It Feels Really Good!

DON'T MISS A MINUTE OF THE 2006 FIFA WORLD CUP ™

Commercial-Free Broadcasting Comes Only Once Every Four Years.


LEARN THE UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE OF SOCCER ON ABC

A Fun Way To Spy On Those Illegal Alien Invaders!




'Carjackers Wanted'